The Princess and the Absolutely Not a Princess Page 6

  “I won’t.”

  “And,” Maude said, “if I let you polish my toes, you’re going to have to do something, too.”

  “Like what?”

  “I’ll think of something.” Maude smiled mischievously. “But don’t worry, I won’t make you eat a hard-boiled egg.” Now that Maude knew how much Miranda hated hard-boiled eggs, she only ate them when the princess wasn’t around.

  Miranda began painting her best friend’s toes. A long time passed, and then she stepped away. “It’s amazing,” the princess said. Maude’s feet did look incredible.

  “I can’t look,” Maude said, covering her eyes.

  “Really?” Miranda was disappointed, but not surprised.

  “Sorry,” Maude said. “I’m ready to walk back to my house now so you can have your turn.” She swallowed the last French fry and tried to give Miranda her most sinister smile.

  Truthfully, Maude was having a hard time deciding what she could have Miranda do in exchange for the nail polish on her toes. She tried to come up with a brilliant idea while the two girls walked back to her house, checked on the still-molting chickens, and climbed up the slightly crooked twenty-seven stairs into her house. Unfortunately, the princess had already organized all Maude’s overdue library books (by color) and straightened all of the protest posters on her walls. She could have Miranda rearrange her closet, which was about to explode, but that would be too much fun for the princess. Maude looked around her room, hoping for an idea as bananas as nail polish.

  Her eyes landed on the big pile of dirty clothes on her floor. Eureka, she thought, scooping up an armful and walking over to her friend, who was singing to Rudolph Valentino.

  “Here ya go,” Maude said, holding out a bright orange T-shirt and a pair of cargo pants with holes in the knees.

  The princess looked up from the dog. “These are your clothes,” she said.

  Maude grinned.

  “What . . . do you want me to do with them?” Organize them, the princess hoped Maude would say. She’d like nothing more than to tidy Maude’s very messy room.

  “Wear them.” Maude smiled. “It’s your part of the deal.” She waved her foot in front of the princess. The shiny blue polish gleamed in the sunlight streaming through Maude’s window.

  Maude’s toenails did look terrific, but the princess felt ill. Even though having a best friend had made her much happier, she was still picky about clothes. But she knew that a deal was a deal, so she slowly took off her fancy shoes, silk pants, and very expensive shirt. Reminding herself how much better school was with a friend, she slid into Maude’s filthy pants. Next, she put on the stained orange shirt that read I’M + I LOST AN ELECTRON, a joke that she didn’t get because she was still behind in science.

  When she looked in Maude’s mirror, Miranda did a double take. Everything was small, smelled like chicken feathers, and felt strangely warm. On the other hand, nothing poked or itched. Maude’s dirty clothes felt soft and broken in.

  Miranda hadn’t felt this comfortable ever.

  Maude picked up one of Miranda’s golden shoes. “This is really heavy,” she said. “How do you wear it?”

  “On my foot,” the princess said.

  Maude put the shoe on. Then she put on the other one and attempted to stand up.

  Miranda tried to hide her giggle as she looked at Maude wearing the gold shoes.

  Maude looked at Miranda in the I’M + I LOST AN ELECTRON shirt and turned her laugh into a cough.

  Michael-John knocked on the door. “Dad wants to know if the princess and the absolutely not a princess want vittles,” he said. “Vittles is a plural noun that means food. Right now, it’s lunch.”

  “What’s for lunch?” Miranda asked through the closed door.

  “Stinky bishop cheese, bread, and tomatoes—not from Maude’s garden,” Michael-John replied.

  Stinky bishop cheese, the princess thought, rubbing Maude’s shirt. That sounded like it would smell. Not that long ago, she never would’ve let anyone see her in Maude’s clothes. But having had twenty-seven days of best friendship, she knew that if life were to be an amazing adventure, you had to try a new cheese every now and then.

  “Don’t laugh,” Maude told her brother as she opened the door.

  As soon as Michael-John saw Maude and Miranda, he howled with laughter. When he finally stopped laughing, he took Maude’s glasses from the top of her head and handed them to the princess.

  “Do I have to?” Miranda asked.

  “Yes,” Michael-John said. “Maude isn’t Maude without her glasses.”

  Miranda sighed and put the glasses on.

  And then, in a flash, the world to Princess Miranda was CLEAR!

  For the first time, the princess noticed the scar on Michael-John’s chin, the blueness of Maude’s eyes, how lovely Rudolph Valentino’s fur really was.

  “Miranda?” Maude and Michael-John asked together, staring at the princess.

  But Miranda couldn’t speak. Her eyes grew wide as she walked around the house, noticing the masks on the walls, the plants in the living room, the containers of preserved beetles, and the pile of dictionaries on the dining room table. In a daze, she couldn’t stop marveling at the clear and colorful world she lived in.

  “Miranda?” Maude asked her friend with great concern. “Are you okay?”

  Miranda looked up to Maude and Michael-John’s curious faces. “I can see!” she exclaimed. “And my headache is gone!”

  30

  WHERE THE STORY ENDS

  Sadly, this is the end. Except in many ways, just like the friendship between absolutely not a princess Maude Brandywine Mayhew Kaye and Princess Miranda Rose Lapointsetta, it’s just the beginning. There’s much more ahead!

  On this lovely autumn afternoon, the two friends are laughing as they walk on their own two feet. There they go, arm in arm, one in fancy shoes, the other smelling like chickens, headed in the direction of clear sight, school, friendship, and even more amazing adventures.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  This book is for my daughters, Georgia and Dahlia. Without the two of you, the two girls in this book wouldn’t exist.

  EMMA WUNSCH

  Emma Wunsch is the author of The Movie Version, a young adult novel.

  This is her first chapter book. She lives in Lebanon, New Hampshire, with her husband and two daughters.

  VISIT HER ONLINE AT EMMAWUNSCH.COM AND MIRANDAANDMAUDE.COM

  JESSIKA VON INNEREBNER

  Jessika von Innerebner is an artist who’s worked with clients including Disney, Nickelodeon, Highlights, and Fisher-Price.

  She lives in Kelowna, Canada.

  VISIT HER ONLINE AT JESSVONI.COM

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