Banana Pants! Page 3

  The first unusual thing was that Miss Kinde took a sick day. Since she’d never before been absent, 3B was confused when the last bell rang and their teacher wasn’t there.

  And then Principal Fish walked in. “MISS KINDE IS ILL,” he thundered. “AND NO SUBSTITUTES ARE AVAILABLE. RULE SIXTY-TWO SAYS THAT IF NO SUBSTITUTE IS AVAILABLE, THE PRINCIPAL MUST FILL IN. AS PRINCIPAL, I MUST FILL IN.”

  3B groaned silently. They would have groaned out loud, but they didn’t want to break rule eighty-five with Principal Fish right there.

  “Can we still work on our creative endeavor?” Norbert asked, picking up a long yellow pad of paper.

  Principal Fish said nothing.

  “I thought of some excellent dance moves,” Fletcher said. “I can teach them to everyone if we move our desks out of the way.”

  “Then we can do our handsprings,” Desdemona added eagerly.

  “We brought our tape measures,” Agatha and Agnes said. “We’ll take measurements so we can work on the pants.”

  “THERE WILL BE NO DANCE MOVES,” Principal Fish bellowed. “THERE WILL BE NO HANDSPRINGS! THERE WILL BE NO PANTS! THERE WILL BE A PRACTICE EXAM.”

  3B sighed sadly. Without Miss Kinde, they wouldn’t get to work on their creative endeavor.

  But actually, there was no practice exam. Principal Fish couldn’t find the key to the file cabinet where all the exams were kept. Principal Fish, very unhappy about not being able to give the exam, ordered the class to do something quietly while he searched for the key.

  Silently, 3B took the opportunity to work on Banana Pants. Agnes and Agatha passed around their tape measures so everyone in the class could secretly measure. Fletcher showed Desdemona and Felix his dance ideas with his fingers. Norbert put his yellow pad on the far-right side of his desk so that Norris could read what he was writing. After Felix watched Fletcher’s fingers dance, he sketched a few sets and showed them to Miranda, who tried to think of matching props. Silently, Maude and Hillary each wrote a lengthy list of reasons why she should be director.

  And then, just when Norbert was getting to the big action scene, Principal Fish boomed that he’d found the key (which was on the hook marked KEY HOOK next to the cabinet).

  The day turned more usual after that. Principal Fish gave 3B a practice exam and then escorted them to lunch.

  It was during lunch that the most unusual thing happened.

  “Look! Look at my lunch!” Donut hollered.

  Maude stopped slurping soup and Miranda stopped nibbling cheese. They looked at Donut’s lunch, but to them it looked like all school lunches: gray and lumpy.

  “It just looks gross,” Maude said. “Sorry, Donut.”

  “Don’t look at the food. Look at the tray!”

  Maude’s eyes practically doubled in size. The tray was plastic! A lovely, recyclable plastic. She reached out and touched Donut’s lunch tray.

  “It’s not Styrofoam!” Maude shouted, jumping up. “It worked! It worked! It worked!”

  “What worked?” Donut asked.

  “The—” Maude looked at Miranda. Was it the letter she’d written for Miranda? Was that the letter that finally worked? Maude opened her mouth but said nothing.

  “Principal Fish finally answered your letters,” Miranda said.

  Maude nodded.

  “And you didn’t even need me,” Miranda said happily.

  Maude looked at Miranda, then back at Donut’s tray. “I guess I didn’t,” she said.

  10

  A MUCH MORE USUAL THURSDAY

  Everything was mostly back to normal on Thursday. Miss Kinde returned with only a slight sniffle, so 3B got to work on their creative endeavor as loudly as they wanted. Felix and Miranda talked about sets and prop locations while Fletcher and Desdemona practiced their pliés and handsprings. Norris, reading over Norbert’s shoulder, offered synonyms for words like tremendous and exceptional. Other than the unusualness of having so much fun in school, the only unusual thing that happened was at lunch, when Maude announced that Hillary Greenlight-Miller could direct Banana Pants.

  Hillary nearly choked mid-swallow. Once she recovered, she was, for once, speechless.

  “Really?” Miranda asked Maude. She’d never known Maude to back down so easily. Especially not with Hillary.

  Maude nodded. “I’m too busy.”

  “With what?” Miranda asked.

  “My chickens, my tomatoes, stuff like that,” Maude said quickly.

  “But it’s not tomato season. And I thought Rosalie was happy now that she’s officially the house chicken.”

  “Well . . .” Maude looked at the rows of recyclable lunch trays that lined their table. “I have improved my method of letter writing,” she said. “And it might be working. I should focus on that.”

  “That’s great!” Miranda felt happy that Maude was happy and was also extremely relieved that it didn’t require her to write a single word.

  11

  MIRANDA’S EAST LIBRARY DISCOVERY

  When Miranda got home from school that usual Thursday, she stopped for a quick snack with her parents.

  “How’s Apple Skirt going?” KD asked.

  “Banana Pants,” Miranda corrected. “Our play is called Banana Pants. I’m the prop master. Miss Kinde said I have a wonderful eye.”

  “And not just because of your new glasses.” KD chuckled.

  “Sounds exciting,” QM said.

  “It is,” Miranda said. And the play would be even more exciting if Miranda could use it to show Maude how happy Walt and Miss Kinde would be together! Then Maude would agree that love was an important cause.

  But how could she get this to happen? She looked up at the chandelier, but the only idea she got was that it would make an excellent prop for Banana Pants.

  “Can I bring the chandelier to school?” Miranda asked.

  “Absolutely not,” QM said. “It’s screwed into the ceiling!”

  “But feel free to use anything that isn’t nailed down,” KD said.

  QM gave KD a look, but he missed it.

  “Great,” Miranda said. “I’ll go look for props right now.”

  Miranda wandered around the castle, ducking in and out of rooms. She turned left down a long hallway, then veered right at a winding staircase. Eventually she found herself in the East Library, where she’d never been. Miranda liked how the dimming afternoon sunlight filled the room and how the books were arranged by color. Then her eyes stopped on a gleaming typewriter in front of a large window.

  Miranda had never had any interest in writing before, but the typewriter was so lovely that she couldn’t help walking over to it. If only it were yellow, she thought, then it would make a great prop. (Miranda’s first decision as prop master had been that all the props for Banana Pants would be yellow.) Miranda wondered whether she should let Maude know about the typewriter, since she loved letter writing so much. She’s probably writing letters right now, Miranda thought.

  Ugh. She’d never understand why Maude wanted to spend so much time writing a letter about the leatherback turtle when turtles couldn’t even read or understand that they were endangered.

  Letters should be written to people who would be excited to read a letter, Miranda thought, putting her index finger on the shiny W key. Then she put her finger on the K key. Miranda could think of two people who would love to read a letter. Especially one that was written on such a beautiful typewriter. And hadn’t Miss Kinde herself said, “Sometimes ideas need to happen before others can see how good they are”? Miranda looked around to make sure she was alone, and then she did an extremely unusual thing. She wrote two letters!

  12

  WHAT MIRANDA’S LETTERS SAID

  13

  A SUPER-DUPER EXTRA-EARLY DELIVERY

  Friday morning, Miranda woke up so early that QM and KD were still asleep. Quietly, she got dressed, ate breakfast, and went out to Blake, who was waiting to take her to school in the fancy royal automobile.

  “You’re e
arly,” Blake said. He didn’t look up from his newspaper.

  “Maude’s house first,” she whispered, climbing into the back of the car. “Then school.”

  If Blake wondered why Miranda was whispering, he didn’t let on. He nodded, put down the newspaper, started the royal automobile, and drove to Maude’s.

  When Blake parked, Miranda took a shiny gold envelope out of her bag, opened the Kayes’ mailbox, and put the envelope inside. Then she hopped back into the car and told Blake she was ready to go to school.

  When Miranda arrived at 3B, Miss Kinde wasn’t in the room, but Miranda knew Miss Kinde was at school, because a practice exam was already on her desk. Very quickly, Miranda took a second gold envelope out of her bag and placed it on her teacher’s desk.

  When Miss Kinde came into the room thirty seconds later, Miranda was sitting at her desk working on her exam.

  14

  MAUDE’S LATE-NIGHT LETTER WRITING

  When Miranda slipped the love letter into Maude’s mailbox that early morning, Maude wasn’t sleeping. But Maude didn’t see Miranda or hear the fancy automobile because she was busy writing her ninety-seventh letter. Or rather, the princess’s ninety-seventh letter! After the excitement of the plastic lunch trays, Maude had spent the entire night writing.

  Here are a few of the letters Maude had written:

  But by the time Miranda had put her letter in the Kayes’ mailbox, an exhausted Maude was writing a different kind of letter, like this one:

  15

  BANANA PANTS REHEARSAL WITH DIRECTOR HILLARY GREENLIGHT-MILLER, TAKE ONE

  After Maude’s long night and Miranda’s early morning, the girls were exhausted at Hillary Greenlight-Miller’s first official day as Banana Pants director. Hillary, on the other hand, was very much awake and seized her directorial debut with a small megaphone and an extremely long Things to Do List.

  Hillary’s first direction was to inform Donut that he would star in Banana Pants.

  “I’m not the star,” Donut protested. “I’m craft services! I brought grapes and cheese for today.”

  “What kind of cheese?” Maude asked.

  “No craft services,” Hillary said. “We can’t share food, Donut. Hello, rules twelve and thirteen!”

  “Pick someone else for the lead,” Donut said.

  “Nope,” replied Hillary. “Norbert already cast all the minor characters. Maude is the Onion. Miranda is the Mysterious Silent Woman with the Fish. Desdemona is the Game Show Host. Felix is Copernicus. We need a lead.”

  “I can’t be the lead.”

  “Of course you can. It was your pants that got us here.” Hillary checked something off the Things to Do List and exhaled. “Maude, in addition to being the Onion, you’re fly crew. Okay?”

  Maude yawned and nodded.

  “Do you know what fly crew is?”

  Maude shook her head. “But I like flying even more than I like onions. I mean, I think I’d like it. I like birds.” She yawned again and rubbed her left hand, which was achy from her long night of letter writing. But she was determined to keep going! Maybe her next letter should be about saving the kakapo!

  “Fly crew has nothing to do with birds.” Hillary sounded exasperated. “Fly crew means you raise and lower the curtain. Here.” She shoved a complicated diagram at Maude.

  Maude glanced at the instructions. “Easy peasy.”

  “You’ll do it?”

  “Sure thing, boss,” Maude replied.

  “Props going well?” Hillary asked Miranda.

  Miranda nodded happily. Miss Kinde must have read the love letter by now! And Walt could be reading his this very minute. All was going according to plan! “I brought dozens of yellow objects,” she told Hillary. “And I can do a good job as the Mysterious Silent Woman with the Fish, too.”

  “Great!” Hillary stormed off to check on Agnes and Agatha and their mammoth roll of yellow felt.

  “I don’t want to be the lead,” Donut whined when Hillary was gone. “Let’s switch, Maude. I’d make an excellent onion.”

  “Sorry, Donut,” Maude said. “I’m too busy to star in the show.”

  “This is a really dumb idea,” Donut said miserably.

  “Are you kidding?” Maude asked. “It’s not dumb. I am thrilled to be an onion and fly crew. More than that, I am supremely thrilled to not be taking another dumb practice exam.”

  “I love our creative endeavor,” Agnes said, stitching an inseam. “I’m learning so much math from measuring all these pant legs.”

  “I was actually excited to come to school today,” Felix added from behind a small mountain of wood. “I haven’t been excited about school since . . . never!” He happily smashed his hammer onto a tiny nail. Bits of sawdust flew up into the room.

  “Banana Pants isn’t dumb,” Miranda said firmly. She needed Donut to be the lead, because if he wasn’t, then the play might not happen, and then Miss Kinde and Walt wouldn’t watch it, and then they wouldn’t eat soup afterward, and her cause wouldn’t work!

  “Don’t worry, Donut,” Maude said. “All it takes to be the lead is learning your lines and speaking loudly.”

  “Do you see how many lines Norbert is writing?” Donut pointed to Norbert, who appeared to be writing with both hands.

  “And I can’t speak loudly when I’m on a stage,” Donut said loudly. “When I think about everyone looking at me, my mouth goes gluey.” Donut sucked on his tongue. “Just talking about a stage makes me thirsty.”

  “Let’s go to the auditorium,” Miranda suggested. “I’ll set up my props, Maude can practice raising and lowering the curtain, and Donut can—”

  “DONUT CAN GET COMFORTABLE ONSTAGE,” Hillary hollered into her megaphone, which was completely unnecessary since she was just four feet away.

  “Wow,” Maude said softly. “Our director is certainly giving lots of directions.”

  “I’M GOING TO IGNORE THAT, MAUDE,” Hillary bellowed. “MIRANDA, THAT’S A GOOD IDEA. GET THEE TO THE STAGE!”

  16

  UNDER A RAINCOAT, UP ON A STAGE

  As Donut, Maude, and Miranda walked to the auditorium, Donut imagined running out of school, past the big tree by the entrance, and all the way home, where, without stopping, he’d tell his mom he loved her. Then he’d run until he was so far from Mountain River Valley Elementary that Hillary would have to find another lead. While Donut pictured his escape, Miranda wished that her letters had told Miss Kinde and Walt where to sit during the play. What if they ended up on opposite sides of the auditorium? Maude was thinking about all the letters she’d write once the curtain was raised. Since her part as the onion wasn’t until act three, she’d have a lot of free time once the play started.

  When they walked into the auditorium, the three students looked around. The curtain was neither up nor down. The stage seemed enormous and empty. And there were so very many seats! Would they really be able to pull off their creative endeavor?

  “Come on, Donut,” Miranda urged. “Get onstage.”

  Slowly, Donut walked to the stage. Trembling, he hoisted himself onto it. Then he stood there.

  “Do something,” Maude said.

  “Like what?” Donut said quietly.

  “Anything,” Miranda said encouragingly.

  Donut licked his lips. “I’m thirsty,” he whispered.

  “Imagine you’re drinking water,” Maude told him. “Like a mime.”

  Donut didn’t move.

  “Sing the banana song,” Miranda suggested.

  Donut said something so quietly, the girls couldn’t hear him.

  The girls looked at each other. Donut put his head in his hands.

  After a long silence, Maude said, “Well, I’m going to see about raising this curtain.”

  While Maude went into the wings, Miranda lugged a bag of props onto the stage. She took out an enormous neon-yellow raincoat, a yellow abacus, a brass lamp with a mustard-yellow shade, two ceramic vases with yellow daisies in them, and a valuable pai
nting of a lemon. When she finished arranging them, she looked out into the empty seats. In no time, it would be showtime, and because of her love letters, Miss Kinde and Walt would find each other! If the play and the soup went well, then maybe, not too far in the future, Miss Kinde and Walt would ask Miranda to be the prop master for their wedding! At the wedding, Maude would come up to Miranda and say, “Thank you for believing in love! This wonderful day wouldn’t have happened without you. Love is a cause, and because of you, I love love!”

  “Holy bananas!” Maude hollered from the wings.

  Miranda left her daydream and returned to the grimy stage. “What’s wrong?” she called.

  “The curtain is really heavy!” Maude yelled back.

  Miranda got up and walked over to Maude, who was pulling on the curtain rope with all her might.

  “You’re doing it right?” Miranda asked nervously. If Maude couldn’t raise the curtain, how could 3B perform their play?

  Maude nodded. “You try.”

  Miranda pulled on the ancient rope. Nothing happened. She tugged a little harder. Still nothing. How can this be? she wondered in a panic.

  “It’s stuck,” Maude said. “Stuck, stuck, stuck.”

  “Like me,” said a very quiet voice.

  Miranda and Maude peeked out from behind the curtain. There was Donut, hiding under the enormous yellow raincoat in a dusty corner of the stage.

  17

  MAUDE SAYS NO

  After the first Banana Pants rehearsal, Maude climbed up the twenty-seven slightly crooked stairs into her house. “Hello!” she shouted.

  “Greetings,” said Walt, who was in a backbend. “How’s the creative endeavor going?”